Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody
by Aya aka Mill
Summary: Title says all. ^.^ Won't you be so kind as to R&R?
1. Chapter 1

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody ****

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: [Aya][1]

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

**__**

Bold italic words are stage directions.

==============================

"Konnichiwa!" Cali grinned widely, while others winced.

"My ears…!" Eve grumbled.

"If I remember correctly, you're louder than she is," Mill stated.

"Shush!" Eve bopped the other on the head rather hard.

"Hi, you peop--What are you doing?" Yin blinked down at Mill, who is clutching her head while crouching on the floor. Yin's lips twitched. "You got hit, didn't you?"

Mill's response was a long trail of incoherent curses.

"Guess what, guess what??" Yin exclaimed, excitedly.

"What?" the other 3 replied dully.

"Sound more excited and I'll tell you."

"Oh my god! What?!" came the forced-excited responses.

"We're gonna be in a play!"

Cali became excited for real, Eve blinked and Mill winced.

"What…play?" Mill asked, voice shaking.

"Romeo and Juliet."

This time, Cali blinked, Eve raised her eyebrows and Mill was ready to kill herself.

++++++++++

"Guess what? Guess what?" Omi bounced into the shop.

"What?" Yoji said, rather distracted.

"We're gonna be in a play."

Yoji blinked, Ken blinked and Aya was as unresponsive as ever.

"Why?" the soccer player asked.

"My school is making a play and they said other people can join, too. Like my friends and family. So I enrolled you guys!"

"What a good idea," Yoji smirked. "My face will be admire by all those females."

Omi gagged, while Ken hit Yoji upside the head.

"I'm not doing it," the redhead spoke. Just then, a certain someone hopped down the steps and made her way over to the redhead.

"Oniichan, you're gonna be in a play!" Aya-chan said, excitedly. "Isn't that great?"

"Uh…sure…" Aya winced, inwardly.

"Great!" Aya-chan clapped her hands together, excitedly. "Auditions for the roles is tomorrow. Be there!"

****

-- The Next Day at School --

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, quiet down please," a middle aged lady stepped up on stage. "Thank you all for your participation. The auditions will now begin."

++++++++++

"Would the narrators get ready?" the lady asked.

"I don't get why we can't audition for the narrator roles," Ken mumbled.

"Because they're afraid we'll mess it up," Eve said. "The senior class did it last year. They were making these funny noises during the actual performance. It was actually funny…if they weren't so retarded."

"Completely embarrassed us," Yin said.

"Shut up and would the damn narrators hurry it up?!" the lady screamed into the loudspeaker.

~*~*~*~*~

"Two households, both alike in dignity," begin the first narrator. "In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny."

"Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean," the second narrator continued. "From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whose misadventured piteous overthrows Do with their death bury their parents' strife."

"The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love," added the third narrator. "And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which, but their children's end, nought could remove, Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage."

"The which if you with patient ears attend," the first narrator finished. "What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend."

"Okay, good. Now, this is the beginning where Gregory and Sampson and Abraham fights," the lady (who will now known as Ms. White). "Ready? GO!"

****

Alan (the role of Sampson): Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.

****

Marco (the role of Gregory): No, for then we should be colliers. 

****

Alan: I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.

"I hate Shakespeare," Cali said.

"Why?" Yin asked. "It's kinda cool."

"Because the language is hard."

"Everything's hard for you."

"That's 'coz she's stupid," a nasal voice said from the back. Everyone turned to find Schwarz standing there.

"OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???" Cali screamed.

"SHUT UP!!" Ms. White hollered. Everything became silent once again.

****

Marco: Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.

"What's with this collar thing?" Brad asked.

****

Alan: I strike quickly, being moved.

****

Marco: But thou art not quickly moved to strike. 

****

Alan: A dog of the house of Montague moves me. 

****

Marco: To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand: therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away. 

Everyone in the audience went "no shit".

****

Alan: A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's. 

****

Marco: That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to the wall. 

****

Alan: True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids to the wall.

All women in the audience promptly went "YOU BASTARD!!" as well as "GET YOUR BONY ASS DOWN HERE COZ I'M GONNA MURDER YOU!!"

****

Marco: The quarrel is between our masters and us their men. 

****

Alan: 'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the   
maids, and cut off their heads.

****

Marco: The heads of the maids? 

****

Alan: Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; take it in what sense thou wilt. 

Once again, the women started their cursings.

****

Marco: They must take it in sense that feel it. 

****

Alan: Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh. 

Everyone gagged loudly.

"He's a pretty piece of burnt flesh," Cali cracked her knuckles.

****

Marco: 'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool; here comes two of the house of the Montagues.

Everyone in the crowd went "Ooooh…fight, fight, fight, fight!!"

****

Alan: My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee. 

"We needed to know that!!!" Cali gagged.

"EW!" Yin said. "We don't wanna see your goddamn 'weapon'!!"

"Stuff it back in!!" Keiko added. "NOOO!!! The horror!!!"

Ms. White turned her head and fixed them with a death glare. They shuts up.

****

Marco: How! turn thy back and run? 

Everyone in the room went "CHICKEN!!"

****

Alan: Fear me not.

****

Marco: No, marry; I fear thee!

"My gosh…he won't be scared of him…" Mill started. "But he'll MARRY him???"

"EEEWWW!!!" Eve groaned in disgust. "I like yaoi but this is disgusting!!"

****

Alan: Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin. 

****

Marco: I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as they list. 

****

Alan: Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them; which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it. 

**__**

Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR. 

****

Alex (the role of Abraham): Do you bite your thumb at us, sir? 

****

Alan: I do bite my thumb, sir. 

****

Alex: Do you bite your thumb at us, sir? 

"YES NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP???" everyone screamed in unison.

****

Alan: [_Aside to Marco_]Is the law of our side, if I say ay? 

****

Marco: No. 

****

Alan: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir. 

Everyone screamed in frustration.

****

Marco: Do you quarrel, sir? 

****

Alex: Quarrel sir! no, sir. 

****

Alan: If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you. 

****

Alex: No better. 

****

Alan: Well, sir. 

****

Marco: Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen. 

The crowd goes "FIGHT!"

****

Alan: Yes, better, sir. 

****

Alex: You lie. 

****

Alan: Draw, if you be men. Marco, remember thy swashing blow. 

****

[_They fight_.] 

Everyone cheers loudly.

**__**

Enter Christina 

Christina (the role of Benvolio): Part, fools! Put up your swords; you know not what you do.

"Little do-gooder!" came a shout from the crowd.

"YEAH!" came the agreement.

"SHUT UP!!" came the shout from Ms. White. Everything became silent once again.

****

[_Beats down their swords_.] 

__

Enter Kevin. 

Kevin (role of Tybalt): What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds? Turn thee, Christina, look upon thy death.

"YEAH! Kill him!!" Farfarello cheered. Everyone turned to look at him. "What? I like hurting. Hurting is good."

Everybody sweatdropped.

****

Christina: I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword, Or manage it to part these men with me. 

****

Kevin: What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word, As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee: Have at thee, coward!

"I hate God," Farfarello said, licking yet another one of his knives.

"I have a sudden urge for a lollipop…" Omi said.

****

[_They fight_.] 

__

Enter several of both houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs. 

First Citizen: Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down! Down with the Capulets! down with the Montagues!

"What side ARE you people on???" Ken asked.

"None, you dimwit," Yoji replied. Ken bopped him on the head.

**__**

Enter Boris in his gown, and Ronald. 

Boris (role of Lord Capulet): What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!

Everyone turns green.

"My gosh, you people all perverts!!" Christina cried from the stage.

****

Ronald (role of Lady Capulet): A crutch, a crutch! why call you for a sword?

"I KNEW they're both gay!!" Eve declared.

****

Boris: My sword, I say! Old Montague is come, And flourishes his blade in spite of me. 

**__**

Enter Takatori Reiji and Persia.

Everyone tries to hold Aya down.

"TAKATORI!! SHI-NE!!"

****

Takatori Reiji (role of Lord Montague): Thou villain Capulet,--Hold me not, let me go. 

****

Persia (role of Lady Montague): Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe. 

"HE'S Lady Montague???" came the surprised yet disgusted question.

"SHUT UP!!" Persia said from the stage. "I didn't want to be in this either but the writer is demented!!"

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!" Mill laughed out loud.

"She has a deathwish of some sort," Keiko sweatdropped.

**__**

Enter Gourry, with Attendants. 

"What's SLAYERS doing in here??" Schurderich exclaimed.

"It's my ficcie, I can put anyone in here!!" Mill replied.

****

Gourry (role of Prince): Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace, Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,--Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts, That quench the fire of your pernicious rage, With purple fountains issuing from your veins, On pain of torture, from those bloody hands  
Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground, And hear the sentence of your moved prince.  
Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word, By thee, old Capulet, and Montague, Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets, And made Verona's ancient citizens Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments, To wield old partisans, in hands as old, Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:  
If ever you disturb our streets again, Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace. For this time, all the rest depart away: You Capulet, shall go along with me: And, Montague, come you this afternoon,  
To know our further pleasure in this case, To old Free-town, our common judgment-place. Once more, on pain of death, all men depart. 

"PHEW!" Yoji blew out a breath.

"That was the longest thing he had said without messing up the line one bit!!" Lina Inverse exclaimed.

"Back there…" Xellos pointed. Lina and everyone else turned and immediately sweatdropped.

"Cue cards…how nice," Zelgadis said.

****

[_Exeunt all but Takatori Reiji, Persia, and Christina_.] 

Takatori Reiji: Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach? Speak, nephew, were you by when it began? 

****

Christina: Here were the servants of your adversary, And yours, close fighting ere I did approach: I drew to part them: in the instant came The fiery Kevin, with his sword prepared, Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears, He swung about his head and cut the winds, Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn: While we were interchanging thrusts and blows, Came more and more and fought on part and part, Till the prince came, who parted either part.

****

Persia: O, where is Yoji? saw you him to-day? Right glad I am he was not at this fray. 

"Persia should have a higher voice…" Eve said, thoughtfully. Persia turned and shot her a death glare.

****

Christina: Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,  
A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad; Where, underneath the grove of sycamore That westward rooteth from the city's side, So early walking did I see your son: Towards him I made, but he was ware of me And stole into the covert of the wood: I, measuring his affections by my own, That most are busied when they're most alone, Pursued my humour not pursuing his, And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me. 

****

Takatori Reiji: Many a morning hath he there been seen, With tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew. Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs; But all so soon as the all-cheering sun  
Should in the furthest east begin to draw The shady curtains from Aurora's bed, Away from light steals home my heavy son, And private in his chamber pens himself, Shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out And makes himself an artificial night: Black and portentous must this humour prove,  
Unless good counsel may the cause remove.

"My god, stop talking so much!!!" Cali complained.

"They can't," Nagi said.

"Why?" Aya-chan asked.

"It's Shakespeare."

****

Christina: My noble uncle, do you know the cause? 

"HA! Noble my ass!!" Cali said.

"How's Aya-kun doing?" Omi peered over the seat at the all tied up Aya.

"Mmmrf mmf," came the irritated response.

"Must you have added Takatori Reiji in this? Why not Persia with Manx?"

"I don't know…I have deathwish. ^_~"

Everyone sweatdropped.

****

Takatori Reiji: I neither know it nor can learn of him. 

****

Christina: Have you importuned him by any means? 

"Ooh…big words!!" Yin said.

****

Takatori Reiji: Both by myself and many other friends: But he, his own affections' counsellor, Is to himself--I will not say how true-- But to himself so secret and so close, So far from sounding and discovery, As is the bud bit with an envious worm, Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,  
Or dedicate his beauty to the sun. Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow. We would as willingly give cure as know. 

**__**

Enter Yoji.

Christina: See, where he comes: so please you, step aside; I'll know his grievance, or be much denied. 

****

Takatori Reiji: I would thou wert so happy by thy stay, To hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away. 

****

[_Exeunt Takatori Reiji and Persia_.]

   [1]: mailto:tasuki4life@yahoo.com



	2. Chapter 2

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody ****

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: [Aya][1]

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

**__**

Bold italic words are stage directions.

==============================****

Christina: Good-morrow, cousin. 

****

Yoji (role of Romeo): Is the day so young? 

"The day is but you ain't!" Cali snickered. Yoji shot daggers at her.

****

Christina: But new struck nine. 

****

Yoji: Ay me! sad hours seem long. Was that my father that went hence so fast?

"No shit Sherlock," Eve said. Yoji turned and gave her a very threatening look.

****

Christina: It was. What sadness lengthens Yoji's hours? 

"He can't get any sex for a week!!" Schurderich shouted. Everyone burst out laughing. "He's been grounded!" Yoji was ready to pull out his wire any second.

****

Yoji: Not having that, which, having, makes them short. 

****

Christina: In love? 

****

Yoji: Out-- 

****

Christina: Of love? 

"Yoji the player is losing it," Nagi said.

"He's getting old," Omi agreed.

"He can't get women like he used to now," Keiko added.

"He can't have sex without back pains either," Mill said. 

"Back pains?" Ken asked. But he never got a response for Mill was being choked to death by Yoji's wire.

"KUDOU, GET BACK TO THE PLAY!!" Ms. White screamed. Yoji obeyed.

****

Yoji: Out of her favour, where I am in love. 

****

Christina: Alas, that love, so gentle in his view, Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof! 

****

Yoji: Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still, Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!  
Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here? Yet, tell me not, for I have heard it all. Here's much to do with hate, but more with love. Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate! O any thing, of nothing first create! O heavy lightness! serious vanity! Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!  
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health! Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is! This love feel I, that feel no love in this. Dost thou not laugh? 

****

Christina: No, coz, I rather weep. 

"You made her…uh…him cry, Yoji!!" Keiko called.

"SHUT UP!!" Ms. White shouted possible for the hundredth time that day.

****

Yoji: Good heart, at what? 

****

Christina: At thy good heart's oppression. 

****

Yoji: Why, such is love's transgression. Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast, Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown Doth add more grief to too much of mine own. Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs; Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes; Being vex'd, a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears: What is it else? a madness most discreet, A choking gall and a preserving sweet. Farewell, my coz. 

****

Christina: Soft! I will go along; An if you leave me so, you do me wrong. 

****

Yoji: Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here; This is not Yoji, he's some other where.

"OH NO!" Cali cried. "YOJI'S DEAD!!"

"Then who are you…you…imposter!!" Omi cried.

"SHUT UP!" Yoji flashes his wire. Everybody shuts up.

****

Christina: Tell me in sadness, who is that you love. 

****

Yoji: What, shall I groan and tell thee? 

****

Christina: Groan! why, no. But sadly tell me who. 

****

Yoji: Bid a sick man in sadness make his will: Ah, word ill urged to one that is so ill! In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman.

****

Christina: I aim'd so near, when I supposed you loved. 

****

Yoji: A right good mark-man! And she's fair I love. 

****

Christina: A right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit. 

****

Yoji: Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit With Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit; And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd, From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd. She will not stay the siege of loving terms, Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes, Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold: O, she is rich in beauty, only poor, That when she dies with beauty dies her store. 

****

Christina: Then she hath sworn that she will still live chaste? 

****

Yoji: She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste, For beauty starved with her severity Cuts beauty off from all posterity. She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair, To merit bliss by making me despair: She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow Do I live dead that live to tell it now. 

****

Christina: Be ruled by me, forget to think of her. 

"Ooh…she wants to rule you!!" Cali said. "The queen she'll make!"

"We won't be able to litter again!" Mill said. Everyone looked at her. "WHAT???"

****

Yoji: O, teach me how I should forget to think. 

"Easy…you just do," Eve said.

****

Christina: By giving liberty unto thine eyes; Examine other beauties.

****

Yoji: 'Tis the way To call hers exquisite, in question more: These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows Being black put us in mind they hide the fair; He that is strucken blind cannot forget  
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost: Show me a mistress that is passing fair, What doth her beauty serve, but as a note Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair? Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget. 

****

Christina: I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt.

Everyone begin chanting "die".

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

__

Enter Boris, Joe, and Servant.

Boris: But Takatori Reiji is bound as well as I, In penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think, For men so old as we to keep the peace. 

****

Schurderich (role of Paris): Of honourable reckoning are you both; And pity 'tis you lived at odds so long. But now, my lord, what say you to my suit? 

"Ohh…either Schu wants you to fuck him senseless or he wants you to try out one of his many suits…" Keiko said.

"I'd go for the first option," Farfarello snickered. Everyone turned and stared at him. "What? I hate God. I like pain. I like to give God pain." Everyone sweatdropped.

****

Boris: But saying o'er what I have said before: My child is yet a stranger in the world; She hath not seen the change of fourteen years; Let two more summers wither in their pride, Ere we may think her ripe to be a bride. 

****

Schurderich: Younger than she are happy mothers made. 

****

Boris: And too soon marr'd are those so early made. The earth hath swallow'd all my hopes but she,  
She is the hopeful lady of my earth: But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart, My will to her consent is but a part; An she agree, within her scope of choice Lies my consent and fair according voice.  
This night I hold an old accustom'd feast, Whereto I have invited many a guest, Such as I love; and you, among the store, One more, most welcome, makes my number more. At my poor house look to behold this night Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light: Such comfort as do lusty young men feel When well-apparell'd April on the heel Of limping winter treads, even such delight  
Among fresh female buds shall you this night Inherit at my house; hear all, all see, And like her most whose merit most shall be: Which on more view, of many mine being one May stand in number, though in reckoning none, Come, go with me. 

****

[_To Servant, giving a paper_.] 

Go, sirrah, trudge about Through fair Verona; find those persons out Whose names are written there, and to them say, My house and welcome on their pleasure stay. 

****

[_Exeunt Boris and Schurderich_.] 

****

Servant: Find them out whose names are written here! It is written, that the shoemaker should meddle with his yard, and the tailor with his last, the fisher with his pencil, and the painter with his nets; but I am sent to find those persons whose names are here writ, and can never find what names the writing  
person hath here writ. I must to the learned.--In good time. 

**__**

Enter Christina and Yoji. 

Christina: Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning, One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish;  
Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning; One desperate grief cures with another's languish: Take thou some new infection to thy eye, And the rank poison of the old will die. 

****

Yoji: Your plaintain-leaf is excellent for that.

****

Christina: For what, I pray thee? 

****

Yoji: For your broken shin.

"He broke something!!" Keiko said. "Shame on you!"

"You break it, you buy it," Nagi said. "It's as simple as that."

****

Christina: Why, Yoji, art thou mad? 

"Nah, he just got some raging hormones," Cali said.

"He can't get laid, that's why he's mad," Eve said.

Yoji ran off the stage and towards the crowd and never made it past Ms. White for the lady pulled at him and threw him back onstage. Everyone stared, shocked.

"That woman is scary," Yin concluded. Everyone nodded silently.

****

Yoji: Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is; Shut up in prison, kept without my food, Whipp'd and tormented and--God-den, good fellow. 

"So…he went to jail, didn't get food at all and got whipped and tormented?" Keiko asked.

"What a nice idea for my next ficcie…" Mill grinned as Yoji threw her a deathening look.

****

Servant: God gi' god-den. I pray, sir, can you read? 

****

Yoji: Ay, mine own fortune in my misery. 

****

Servant: Perhaps you have learned it without book: but, I pray, can you read any thing you see? 

****

Yoji: Ay, if I know the letters and the language.

****

Servant: Ye say honestly: rest you merry! 

****

Yoji: Stay, fellow; I can read. 

"The guy's been educated!!" Cali cheered.

"He knows how to read!!" Yin exclaimed. "Good God!! Oh shit…" Yin turned her head back to find Farfarello leering at her.

"I like pain, I like to cause God pain," the Irish man licked his knife.

"Someone tie him up next to Aya," Ken grumbled.

****

[_Reads_.] 

"'Oh no!'" Keiko said, pretending she's Yoji right now onstage. "'These words are too hard! I cannot understand! Dictionary!!'"

"SHUT UP! I CAN READ!!" Yoji hollered.

'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters; County Anselme and his beauteous sisters; the lady  
widow of Vitruvio; Signior Placentio and his lovely nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine  
uncle Capulet, his wife, and daughters; my fair niece Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his cousin  
Tybalt; Lucio and the lively Helena.' A fair assembly: whither should they come?

"He CAN read!! Cali exclaimed. "My goodness!!"

****

Servant: Up. 

"She must have forgotten 'shut'," Eve said.

****

Yoji: Whither? 

****

Servant: To supper; to our house. 

****

Yoji: Whose house? 

****

Servant: My master's. 

"Ohh…he might get laid after all," Schurderich said.

"Even so…Takatori Reiji?" Brad raised an eyebrow.

****

Yoji: Indeed, I should have asked you that before. 

"Ah, but you forget," Nagi said.

"His brain is too small to be able to remember much things," Omi added.

****

Servant: Now I'll tell you without asking: my master is the great rich Capulet; and if you be not of the house of Montagues, I pray, come and crush a cup of wine. Rest you merry!

"Don't they mean come and drink a cup of wine? What's the point in having a cup if you'll just crush it in your hands?" Keiko asked.

"Shakespearean language," Eve replied.

"So what? William Shakespeare is a big fat, bald-headed moron."

****

[_Exit_.] 

Christina: At this same ancient feast of Capulet's Sups the fair Aya-chan whom thou so lovest, With all the admired beauties of Verona: Go thither; and, with unattainted eye, Compare her face with some that I shall show, And I will make thee think thy swan a crow. 

****

Yoji: When the devout religion of mine eye Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires; And these, who often drown'd could never die, Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars! One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun. 

****

Christina: Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by, Herself poised with herself in either eye: But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd Your lady's love against some other maid That I will show you shining at this feast, And she shall scant show well that now shows best. 

****

Yoji: I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

__

Enter Ronald and Cali. 

Ronald: Cali, where's my daughter? call her forth to me. 

****

Cali (role of Nurse): Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old, I bade her come. What, lamb! what, ladybird! God forbid! Where's this girl? What, Aya! 

**__**

Enter Aya. 

"You do realize he's still tied up?" Ken asked.

"OH! My bad!" Mill grinned sheepishly before scurrying over to the redhead, untying him then pushing him onstage. "Make me proud!"

Aya winced.

****

Aya: How now! who calls? 

****

Cali: Your mother. 

"Oh…she dissed your mother!" Yin said.

"How was that dissing??" Cali screamed from the stage. "I was just answering the goddamn question!"

"SHUT UP!" Seems like the only vocabulary words in Ms. White's dictionary is 'shut up'.

****

Aya: Madam, I am here. What is your will? 

"She's dying, she's dying!" Schurderich said. "YES!"

"'Leave me all the money!'" Keiko exclaimed.

"Ooh…Aya-kun will love that, won't he?" Eve giggled.

"Money!" Nagi exclaimed. "Plus, the head of Takatori Reiji as a side dish."

****

Ronald: This is the matter:--Cali, give leave awhile, We must talk in secret:--Cali, come back again;  
I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel. Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age.

"'You want me to leave or to stay damn you?!'" Eve said, doing a Cali imitation.

"Would you look at that?" Brad said, pushing his glasses up. "Son…uh, I mean Daughter is taller than Mother."

"Mother will always be less than 5 feet tall, unfortunately," Mill sighed.

****

Cali: Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour. 

****

Ronald: She's not fourteen. 

****

Cali: I'll lay fourteen of my teeth,-- And yet, to my teen be it spoken, I have but four-- She is not fourteen. How long is it now To Lammas-tide?

"Lammas-who??" everyone exclaimed. 

****

Ronald: A fortnight and odd days. 

"When???" everyone exclaimed again.

****

Cali: Even or odd, of all days in the year, Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen. Susan and she--God rest all Christian souls!-- Were of an age: well, Susan is with God; She was too good for me: but, as I said, On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen; That shall she, marry; I remember it well.  
'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years; And she was wean'd,--I never shall forget it,-- Of all the days of the year, upon that day: For I had then laid wormwood to my dug, Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall; My lord and you were then at Mantua:-- Nay, I do bear a brain:--but, as I said,  
When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool, To see it tetchy and fall out with the dug! 'Shake' quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow, To bid me trudge: And since that time it is eleven years; For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood,  
She could have run and waddled all about; For even the day before, she broke her brow:  
And then my husband--God be with his soul! A' was a merry man--took up the child: 'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit; Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame, The pretty wretch left crying and said 'Ay.' To see, now, how a jest shall come about! I warrant, an I should live a thousand years, I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he; And, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay.' 

"My gosh! She talks so much!" Keiko exclaimed.

"Then again, she's always been a talkative person," Ken said.

"Did she said 'nipple'?" Schurderich asked.

"Oy, you are all perverts," Eve rolled her eyes.

"Look who's talking," Brad said.

****

Ronald: Enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace. 

****

Cali: Yes, madam, yet I cannot choose but laugh, To think it should leave crying and say 'Ay.'  
And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow A bump as big as a young cockerel's stone; A parlous knock; and it cried bitterly: 'Yea,' quoth my husband, 'fall'st upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou comest to age; Wilt thou not, Jule?' it stinted and said 'Ay.' 

****

Aya: And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I. 

"Aya does a good Juliet," Keiko noted.

"HOW??" everyone exclaimed.

"She haven't been speaking for a long time now and Aya doesn't talk much either."

Everyone went "ohhhhh" and "I knew that".

****

Cali: Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace! Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nursed:  
An I might live to see thee married once, I have my wish. 

"God will suffer, I hate God, I want to cause God pain, Pain is good," Farfarello grinned, wickedly.

****

Ronald: Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Aya, How stands your disposition to be married? 

****

Aya: It is an honour that I dream not of. 

"He can't get laid either?" Schurderich asked.

"BAKA!" Keiko bopped him on the head. "We're talking marriage here, not sex!"

"Either way, he still won't get laid."

"How true and yet sad."

****

Cali: An honour! were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat. 

****

Ronald: Well, think of marriage now; younger than you, Here in Verona, ladies of esteem, Are made already mothers: by my count, I was your mother much upon these years That you are now a maid. Thus then in brief: The valiant Schurderich seeks you for his love.

****

Cali: A man, young lady! lady, such a man As all the world--why, he's a man of wax. 

"He shaves?" Nagi asked.

"No, he wax," Omi replied. Everyone turned to look at Schurderich.

"WHAT?! I only play the damn part! I'm not the actual guy!!"

****

Ronald: Verona's summer hath not such a flower. 

"First, it's waxing, now it's flowers?" Mill asked.

****

Cali: Nay, he's a flower; in faith, a very flower. 

****

Ronald: What say you? can you love the gentleman? This night you shall behold him at our feast;  
Read o'er the volume of young Schurderich's face, And find delight writ there with beauty's pen;  
Examine every married lineament, And see how one another lends content And what obscured in this fair volume lies Find written in the margent of his eyes. This precious book of love, this unbound lover, To beautify him, only lacks a cover: The fish lives in the sea, and 'tis much pride For fair without the fair within to hide: That book in many's eyes doth share the glory, That in gold clasps locks in the golden story; So shall you share all that he doth possess, By having him, making yourself no less. 

****

Cali: No less! nay, bigger; women grow by men. 

****

Ronald: Speak briefly, can you like of Schurderich's love? 

****

Aya: I'll look to like, if looking liking move: But no more deep will I endart mine eye Than your consent gives strength to make it fly. 

"I think he just rejected you," Brad said.

"He IS supposed to reject him!" Eve said. Schurderich pouted.

**__**

Enter a Servant. 

Servant: Madam, the guests are come, supper served up, you called, my young lady asked for, the nurse cursed in the pantry, and every thing in extremity. I must hence to wait; I beseech you, follow straight. 

****

Ronald: We follow thee. 

****

[_Exit Servant_.] 

Juliet, the county stays. 

****

Nurse: Go, girl, seek happy nights to happy days. 

****

[_Exeunt_.]

   [1]: mailto:tasuki4life@yahoo.com



	3. Chapter 3

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody ****

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: [Aya][1]

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

**__**

Bold italic words are stage directions.

==============================

**__**

Enter Yoji, Yin, Christina, with five or six Maskers, Torch-bearers, and others.

Yoji: What, shall this speech be spoke for our excuse? Or shall we on without apology? 

****

Christina: The date is out of such prolixity: We'll have no Cupid hoodwink'd with a scarf, Bearing a Tartar's painted bow of lath, Scaring the ladies like a crow-keeper; Nor no without-book prologue, faintly spoke After the prompter, for our entrance: But let them measure us by what they will; We'll measure them a measure, and be gone. \

****

Yoji: Give me a torch: I am not for this ambling; Being but heavy, I will bear the light. 

"He's running for the Olympics!!" Cali exclaimed.

"Whatever you do, don't let the flame go out!!" Eve added.

****

Yin (role of Mercutio): Nay, gentle Yoji, we must have you dance. 

"The man can't dance," Schurderich snickered while Yoji shot him a death glare.

****

Yoji: Not I, believe me: you have dancing shoes With nimble soles: I have a soul of lead So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.

"Told you he can't dance," Schurderich laughed again.

****

Yin: You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings, And soar with them above a common bound. 

"He's a PLAYAH!" Keiko called.

****

Yoji: I am too sore enpierced with his shaft To soar with his light feathers, and so bound, I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe: Under love's heavy burden do I sink. 

"He just said he's too sore with his shaft…" Nagi blinked.

"He got laid!" Omi gasped.

"With Takatori Reiji?" Mill blinked. Everyone gagged. Yoji shot him a death glare. "I'm KIDDING! Gee, can't you take a joke??"

****

Yin: And, to sink in it, should you burden love; Too great oppression for a tender thing. 

****

Yoji: Is love a tender thing? it is too rough, Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn. 

****

Yin: If love be rough with you, be rough with love; Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.  
Give me a case to put my visage in: A visor for a visor! what care I What curious eye doth quote deformities? Here are the beetle brows shall blush for me. 

"Man…this is getting complicated by the minute," Cali sighed.

"You're just stupid, that's why," Eve said.

****

Yoji: Come, knock and enter; and no sooner in, But every man betake him to his legs. 

"For a minute there…I thought he said between…" Schurderich blinked.

"You are such a pervert!!" Keiko smacked the redhead on the head.

"WHAT???"

"You're probably the one who haven't got laid in a while," Brad said.

****

Yoji: A torch for me: let wantons light of heart Tickle the senseless rushes with their heels, For I am proverb'd with a grandsire phrase; I'll be a candle-holder, and look on. The game was ne'er so fair, and I am done. 

"He wants to be a candle-holder?" Omi asked.

"NO! Don't give up your flower job!!" Cali cried.

"He's already a sissy working at a flower shop," Farfarello said. "And now…a candle-holder?" Everyone turned to look at him again. "I hate God. I like pain. I like to cause God pain."

"Anyway…." Mill sweatdropped.

****

Yin: Tut, dun's the mouse, the constable's own word: If thou art dun, we'll draw thee from the mire  
Of this sir-reverence love, wherein thou stick'st Up to the ears. Come, we burn daylight, ho! 

"Mum's the word," Keiko said.

****

Yoji: Nay, that's not so. 

****

Yin: I mean, sir, in delay We waste our lights in vain, like lamps by day. Take our good meaning, for our judgment sits Five times in that ere once in our five wits. 

****

Yoji: And we mean well in going to this mask; But 'tis no wit to go. 

****

Yin: Why, may one ask? 

****

Yoji: I dream'd a dream to-night.

"Everyone has dreams at night," Nagi said.

"No shit, Sherlock," Cali said. She let out a yelp as something hit her in the back. "YOU BRAT!"

"I didn't hit you," Nagi said, innocently.

"Of COURSE you didn't!!"

****

Yin: And so did I. 

Everyone in the crowd scream out "Me too!".

****

Yoji: Well, what was yours? 

****

Yin: That dreamers often lie. 

****

Yoji: In bed asleep, while they do dream things true. 

"I bet you that he dreams about getting laid," Schurderich grinned.

"I take that bet!" Mill raised her hand. "I bet 20 bucks!!"

****

Yin: O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes In shape no bigger than an agate-stone On the fore-finger of an alderman, Drawn with a team of little atomies Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep; Her waggon-spokes made of long spinners' legs, The cover of the wings of grasshoppers, The traces of the smallest spider's web, The collars of the moonshine's watery beams, Her whip of cricket's bone, the lash of film, Her waggoner a small grey-coated gnat, Not so big as a round little worm Prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid; Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub, Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.  
And in this state she gallops night by night Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love; O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on court'sies straight, O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees,  
O'er ladies ' lips, who straight on kisses dream, Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues, Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are: Sometime she gallops o'er a courtier's nose, And then dreams he of smelling out a suit; And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail Tickling a parson's nose as a' lies asleep, Then dreams, he of another benefice: Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck, And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats, Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades, Of healths five-fathom deep; and then anon Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,  
And being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two And sleeps again. This is that very Mab That plats the manes of horses in the night, And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs, Which once untangled much misfortune bodes: This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs, That presses them and learns them first to bear, Making them women of good carriage: This is she-- 

Everyone in the room automatically screamed out "STOP TALKING SO MUCH!!"

****

Yoji: Peace, peace, Yin, peace! Thou talk'st of nothing. 

"Yeah, PEACE!" Cali held out a peace sign.

****

Yin: True, I talk of dreams, Which are the children of an idle brain, Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,  
Which is as thin of substance as the air And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes Even now the frozen bosom of the north, And, being anger'd, puffs away from thence, Turning his face to the dew-dropping south. 

****

Christina: This wind, you talk of, blows us from ourselves; Supper is done, and we shall come too late. 

"FOOD!" Cali cried.

"Her stomach does the thinking," Eve said. "No wonder she's so stupid."

****

Yoji: I fear, too early: for my mind misgives Some consequence yet hanging in the stars Shall bitterly begin his fearful date With this night's revels and expire the term Of a despised life closed in my breast By some vile forfeit of untimely death. But He, that hath the steerage of my course, Direct my sail! On, lusty gentlemen.

****

Christina: Strike, drum.

Everyone began imitating a drum, which received one more "SHUT UP!!" from Ms. White. The group settled down again.

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

__

Musicians waiting. Enter Servingmen, with napkins. 

First Servant: Where's Potpan, that he helps not to take away? He shift a trencher? he scrape a trencher! 

****

Second Servant: When good manners shall lie all in one or two men's hands and they unwashed too, 'tis a foul thing. 

****

First Servant: Away with the joint-stools, remove the court-cupboard, look to the plate. Good thou, save me a piece of marchpane; and, as thou lovest me, let the porter let in Susan Grindstone and Nell.  
Antony, and Potpan! 

A cry for Peter Pan was heard. Everyone looked around each other to see who had said that.

"Maybe it was Tinkerbell?" Cali asked. Nagi hit her in the back with his powers again. Cali jumped and whirled around in anger. "YOU STUPID BITCH!"

"SHUT UP!" Ms. White screamed again. Cali winced and sat back down.

****

Second Servant: Ay, boy, ready. First Servant: You are looked for and called for, asked for and sought for, in the great chamber. 

"Oohh…someone wanna fuck you up bad!" Schurderich made a cat call.

"Stop being such a pervert!" Keiko smacked him again.

"I ain't gotta take this shit with you people!!"

****

Second Servant: We cannot be here and there too. Cheerly, boys; be brisk awhile, and the longer liver take all. 

**__**

Enter Boris, with Aya and others of his house, meeting the Guests and Maskers. 

Boris: Welcome, gentlemen! ladies that have their toes Unplagued with corns will have a bout with you. Ah ha, my mistresses! which of you all Will now deny to dance? she that makes dainty, She, I'll swear, hath corns; am I come near ye now? Welcome, gentlemen! I have seen the day That I have worn a visor and could tell A whispering tale in a fair lady's ear, Such as would please: 'tis gone, 'tis gone, 'tis gone: You are welcome, gentlemen! Come, musicians, play. A hall, a hall! give room! and foot it, girls. 

"Ladies that have their toes unplagued with corns???" Cali exclaimed while a couple of curses can be heard being shouted from the audience.

****

[_Music plays, and they dance_.] 

More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up, And quench the fire, the room is grown too hot. Ah, sirrah, this unlook'd-for sport comes well. Nay, sit, nay, sit, good cousin Capulet; For you and I are past our dancing days: How long is't now since last yourself and I Were in a mask?

****

Second Capulet: By'r lady, thirty years.

****

Boris: What, man! 'tis not so much, 'tis not so much: 'Tis since the nuptial of Lucentio, Come pentecost as quickly as it will, Some five and twenty years; and then we mask'd. 

****

Second Capulet: 'Tis more, 'tis more, his son is elder, sir; His son is thirty.

****

Boris: Will you tell me that? His son was but a ward two years ago. 

****

Yoji: **_To a Servingman_** What lady is that, which doth enrich the hand Of yonder knight?

"Aya's gonna kill him…" Mill snickered.

"Kill?" Farfarello's head shot up. "Killing results in pain. Pain is good. I like pain." He then licked his knives again. Everyone sweatdropped.

****

Servant: I know not, sir. 

****

Yoji: O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night  
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear; Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows, As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows. The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand, And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand. Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night. 

"He wanna screw her," Schurderich said.

"Can you like NOT talk about sex for ONE second????" Keiko exclaimed.

****

Kevin: This, by his voice, should be a Montague. Fetch me my rapier, boy. What dares the slave  
Come hither, cover'd with an antic face, To fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Now, by the stock and honour of my kin, To strike him dead I hold it not a sin. 

Everyone began chanting "fight".

****

Boris: Why, how now, kinsman! wherefore storm you so? 

****

Kevin: Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe, A villain that is hither come in spite, To scorn at our solemnity this night. 

****

Boris: Young Yoji is it? 

****

Kevin: 'Tis he, that villain Yoji. 

"Wow, they got good eyes," Omi said, sarcastically.

****

Boris: Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone; He bears him like a portly gentleman; And, to say truth, Verona brags of him To be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth: I would not for the wealth of all the town Here in my house do him disparagement: Therefore be patient, take no note of him: It is my will, the which if thou respect, Show a fair presence and put off these frowns, An ill-beseeming semblance for a feast. 

Everyone began laughing once the actor said "virtuous and well govern". Ms. White turned and gave everyone the Evil Eye.

****

Kevin: It fits, when such a villain is a guest: I'll not endure him. 

****

Boris: He shall be endured: What, goodman, boy! I say, he shall: go to; Am I the master here, or you? go to. You'll not endure him! God shall mend my soul! You'll make a mutiny among my guests!  
You will set cock-a-hoop! you'll be the man! 

"You're the man!"

"Who's the man??"

"I'm the man!"

"No, you're the man!"

"I'm the man man!"

****

Kevin: Why, uncle, 'tis a shame. 

****

Boris: Go to, go to; You are a saucy boy: is't so, indeed? This trick may chance to scathe you, I know what: You must contrary me! marry, 'tis time. Well said, my hearts! You are a princox; go: Be quiet, or--More light, more light! For shame! I'll make you quiet. What, cheerly, my hearts! 

****

Kevin: Patience perforce with wilful choler meeting Makes my flesh tremble in their different greeting.  
I will withdraw: but this intrusion shall Now seeming sweet convert to bitter gall. 

****

[_Exit_.] 

Yoji: _To Aya_ If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. 

****

Aya: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this;  
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. 

"What the f**k???"

"I got a very pretty palm! Wanna see????"

__

punch.

"OW! STOP THAT YOU LITTLE SKIMP BITCH!" A loud laugh.

****

Yoji: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? 

****

Aya: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. 

****

Yoji: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. 

"Not only do they pray, they also grab," Schurderich smirked.

"AAAHH!! SOMEONE GET HIS HORNY ASS AWAY FRO ME!!!"

****

Aya: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. 

****

Yoji: Then move not while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.

****

Aya: Then have my lips the sin that they have took. 

****

Yoji: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.

All non-yaoi supporters shut their eyes. All yaoi supporters made cat calls.

****

Aya: You kiss by the book.

"Does that mean he doesn't know how to kiss?" Omi asked.

"HIM? YOJI?" Eve said. "Not know how to kiss??? HA! That'll be the day!"

****

Cali: Madam, your mother craves a word with you. 

"She just called him 'madam'!!" Yin said. "She is s~o dead!!!"

****

Yoji: What is her mother? 

"It's WHO not WHAT," Eve sighed. "The boy IS uneducated!"

****

Cali: Marry, bachelor, Her mother is the lady of the house, And a good lady, and a wise and virtuous:  
I nursed her daughter, that you talk'd withal; I tell you, he that can lay hold of her Shall have the chinks.

****

Yoji: Is she a Capulet? O dear account! my life is my foe's debt. 

"Elope!"

"Run away!"

"DIE!" Everyone turned their heads toward the Irish man.

"Why did you invite HIM anyway?" Keiko asked. "This man does not fit any roles in Romeo & Juliet AT ALL."

"Is he even gonna get a part?" Yin asked.

"Oh yes, oh yes," Mill grinned, evilly. "Just wait and see." Then she gave an evil cackle.

****

Christina: Away, begone; the sport is at the best. 

****

Yoji: Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest. 

****

Boris: Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone; We have a trifling foolish banquet towards. Is it e'en so? why, then, I thank you all; I thank you, honest gentlemen; good night. More torches here! Come on then, let's to bed. Ah, sirrah, by my fay, it waxes late: I'll to my rest.

"Let's go to the bed and 'mess around'." Schurderich smirked again.

"Shut the hell up, you idiot," Brad rolled his eyes.

****

[_Exeunt all but Aya and Cali_.] 

Aya: Come hither, Cali. What is yond gentleman? 

****

Cali:: The son and heir of old Tiberio. 

****

Aya: What's he that now is going out of door? 

****

Cali: Marry, that, I think, be young Petrucio. 

****

Aya: What's he that follows there, that would not dance? 

****

Cali: I know not. 

****

Aya: Go ask his name: if he be married, My grave is like to be my wedding bed. 

"My….isn't he being too forward?"

"He does not suit the role of Juliet at all!"

"Oh, shut the hell up."

"I thought you were gonna pair him up with Ken!"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?"

"I like YojixAya now. ^_~"

"FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME TODAY, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" The noise ceased.

****

Cali: His name is Yoji, and a Montague; The only son of your great enemy.

****

Aya: My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, That I must love a loathed enemy. 

****

Cali: What's this? what's this? 

****

Aya: A rhyme I learn'd even now Of one I danced withal.

"My…he's very poetic."

"Naw, he copied that from a book! Weren't you listening???"

"So he's NOT poetic?"

"Oh yes, he is."

"I'm getting confused." Pause. "Oh hell, just shut up!"

****

[_One calls within 'Juliet.'_] 

Cali: Anon, anon! Come, let's away; the strangers all are gone. 

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

   [1]: mailto:tasuki4life@yahoo.com



	4. Chapter 4

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody ****

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: [Aya][1]

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

**__**

Bold italic words are stage directions.

==============================

"I don't get what the chorus is for…" Ms. White said, eyes on the script. "Well, anyhow, everyone, this is your part since it DOES say chorus and all. Ready? I want it synchronized! One…two…three!"

**__**

Enter Chorus. 

Chorus: Now old desire doth in his death-bed lie, And young affection gapes to be his heir:

"You just said 'doh' like Homer Simpson…"

"Oh, shut up."

"This is retarded…"

"You 3 aren't saying it."

"EEP!!"

That fair for which love groan'd for

Schurderich let out a rather…passionate, let us call it, groan.

"Somebody stop his hormones!!"

and would die, With tender Aya match'd, is now not fair. Now Yoji is beloved and loves again,

"PLAYER!!!"

"TENDER Aya???"

"HEY!"

"Sorry…~_~;; Don't take offense…"

"Humph!"

Alike betwitched by the charm of looks, But to his foe supposed he must complain,

"Tch…he ALWAYS complain!"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!"

"I like Hell. Hell is good. Pain is good. Causing God pain is good."

"No mistake who THAT was."

And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks: 

"MY GOD! What a bad person! She STEALS!!!"

"Have you no shame?????"

"SHUT UP BEFORE I KILL ALL OF YOU!!"

Being held a foe, he may not have access To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear; And she as much in love, her means much less To meet her new-beloved any where: But passion lends them power, time means, to meet Tempering extremities with extreme sweet. 

****

[_Exit_.] 

__

Enter Yoji. 

Yoji: Can I go forward when my heart is here? Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out.

"Lassie, come home!!!" Cali called.

"WOOF WOOF!" Yin barked.

"What did Lassie have to do with what he just said?" Nagi asked.

"No idea." Omi shrugged while Yin continued barking until Ms. White shot her another death glare.

****

[_He climbs the wall, and leaps down within it_.] 

__

Enter Christina and Yin. 

Christina: Yoji! my cousin Yoji! 

****

Yin: He is wise; And, on my life, hath stol'n him home to bed. 

"Or to someone else's bed for that matter."

"Calm your hormones now…I'd rather not see visions of THAT."

"Tch…no one told you to be able to predict the future. And that wasn't even the future!"

"Oh yes…**sniff**…that is just how cruel God is."

"I like to cause God pain."

"We get the damn point now shut the hell up."

****

Christina: He ran this way, and leap'd this orchard wall: Call, good Yin. 

Everyone began calling "Lassie, come home".

"Quit it with the dog calling, will ya???" Schurderich screamed.

****

Yin: Nay, I'll conjure too. Yoji! humours! madman! passion! lover! Appear thou in the likeness of a sigh: Speak but one rhyme, and I am satisfied; Cry but 'Ay me!' pronounce but 'love' and 'dove;' Speak to my gossip Venus one fair word, One nick-name for her purblind son and heir, Young Adam Cupid, he that shot so trim, When King Cophetua loved the beggar-maid! He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not; The ape is dead, and I must conjure him. I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes,  
By her high forehead and her scarlet lip, By her fine foot, straight leg and quivering thigh And the demesnes that there adjacent lie, That in thy likeness thou appear to us! 

"MADMAN! BATMAN!! DADADADADUMDADA!"

"Passion?? What the hell?

"Yoji can't rhyme."

****

Christina: An if he hear thee, thou wilt anger him. 

"NAW! He loves us too much! Right, Yoji-kun??"

"Shut the hell up!!"

****

Yin: This cannot anger him: 'twould anger him To raise a spirit in his mistress' circle Of some strange nature, letting it there stand Till she had laid it and conjured it down; That were some spite: my invocation Is fair and honest, and in his mistress' name I conjure only but to raise up him. 

****

Christina: Come, he hath hid himself among these trees, To be consorted with the humorous night:  
Blind is his love and best befits the dark.

"'They have found me!! NOOOOO!!!'"

"'PLEASE NO! I don't wanna go back to that horrible place'!!"

A thin piece of silver made itself known.

****

Yin: If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark. Now will he sit under a medlar tree, And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit As maids call medlars, when they laugh alone. Yoji, that she were, O, that she were An open et cetera, thou a poperin pear! Yoji, good night: I'll to my truckle-bed;  
This field-bed is too cold for me to sleep: Come, shall we go? 

"What's a truckle bed?" Cali asked.

"A bed," came the many responses.

****

Christina: Go, then; for 'tis in vain To seek him here that means not to be found. 

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

__

Enter ROMEO. 

Yoji: He jests at scars that never felt a wound. 

****

[_Aya appears above at a window_.] 

"Look! It's your lover!"

"MU-WAH!"

"EW! He slobbered all over me!!"

"You're lucky you even got someone to kiss you!"

"Shut up, you FREAK!"

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

"You break it, you buy it."

"Shut up, Nagi, just shut up."

"I can blow you away. I have the powers."

"Ooh…I'm s~o scared. Bite me." Then, "OW!"

"You told me to bite you."

It is the east, and Aya is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, 

Farfarello began chanting "die". Everyone just sweatdropped.

That thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be not her maid, since she is envious; Her vestal livery is but sick and green And none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady, O, it is my love!

"MY LOVE!"

"Cali…that was overly dramatic."

"SO? I'm still good, right??"

"ENCORE ENCORE!"

"Don't encourage the girl, Keiko-chan."

O, that she knew she were! She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it. I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks: Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes To twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head? The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven Would through the airy region stream so bright That birds would sing and think it were not night. See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek! 

"Wait a minute…he's peeping! EW! Peeing tom!" Yin cried.

"You just said 'peeing'…" Eve sweatdropped as Yoji was already down the stage and now choking Yin to death.

"Peeping, peeping!!!! HELP!!!!"

****

Aya: Ay me! 

****

Yoji: She speaks: O, speak again, bright angel!

"Yeah…do speak again. It's very rare for him to talk," Brad said. Aya shot him a dirty look.

for thou art As glorious to this night, being o'er my head As is a winged messenger of heaven Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds And sails upon the bosom of the air. 

****

Aya: O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?

"Right under your skirt…" Cali snickered.

"OOOHH!! Told you he was a peeing…uh…I mean, PEEPING tom!!" Yin chuckled nervously.

"There shall be many deaths today…" Mill rubbed her hands together gleefully.

"Death…" Farfarello licked his knife again, smiling devilishly.

Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed.

****

Yoji: **_Aside_** Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this? 

****

Aya: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man.

Schu raised an eyebrow.

"He lets his hormones do all the thinking…" Keiko groaned.

"I named mine Montague, too…" the redhead continued his smirk.

Everyone screamed their disgust while Schu cackled.

O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet; So Yoji would, were he not Yoji call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title. Yoji, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. 

****

Yoji: I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Yoji. 

****

Aya: What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? 

"A peeing…I mean, peeping tom!" Yin called.

"Would you shut up with that dumb word??" Ken exclaimed.

****

Yoji: By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, Because it is an enemy to thee; Had I it written, I would tear the word. 

Everyone made ripping sounds.

"Did I asked for sound effect??" Ms. White hollered. "NO! So shut up!!"

****

Aya: My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:   
Art thou not Yoji and a Montague? 

****

Yoji: Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike. 

****

Aya: How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,  
And the place death, considering who thou art, If any of my kinsmen find thee here.

"It's good the walls are hard to climb otherwise, he'll already be screwing you right now."

"Shut up, you dumb German."

"Make me."

****

Yoji: With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls; For stony limits cannot hold love out, And what love can do that dares love attempt; Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me. 

****

Aya: If they do see thee, they will murder thee. 

Farfie's eyes lit up in a very dangerous way.

****

Yoji: Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, And I am proof against their enmity. 

****

Aya: I would not for the world they saw thee here. 

****

Yoji: I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight; And thou but love me, let them find me here:  
My life were better ended by their hate, Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love. 

****

Aya: By whose direction found'st thou out this place?

****

Yoji: By love, who first did prompt me to inquire; He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise. 

"He is such a player," Mill commented.

"Aya better be careful otherwise he'll find Yoji up another guy's skirt," Schu paused. "Down another guy's pants I mean."

"All the better opportunity for you, eh?"

"Yeah, baby…" Schu licked his lips while Aya continued glaring at him.

****

Aya: Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face, Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny What I have spoke: but farewell compliment! Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,' And I will take thy word: yet if thou swear'st, Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries Then say, Jove laughs. O gentle Yoji, If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won, I'll frown and be perverse and say thee nay, So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world. In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond, And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light: But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true Than those that have more cunning to be strange. I should have been more strange, I must confess, But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware, My true love's passion: therefore pardon me, And not impute this yielding to light love, Which the dark night hath so discovered. 

****

Yoji: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops-- 

****

Aya: O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable. 

****

Yoji: What shall I swear by? 

****

Aya: Do not swear at all; Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, Which is the god of my idolatry,  
And I'll believe thee. 

"Can they quit it with these lovey-dovey scenes already??? I'm getting all mushy inside…"

****

Yoji: If my heart's dear love-- 

****

Aya: Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night! This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest Come to thy heart as that within my breast! 

Schu's eyes lit up with a rather…um, we'll call it dangerous too…gleam. Keiko moved her seat.

"Damn stupid, little cock-sucker German."

"Damn straight!" and there goes the cackle again.

****

Yoji: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

Schu licked his lips again. "I would like to go over there…" Everyone covered their ears. "…Screw you. THEN will you be unsatisfied?? HA!" 

****

Aya: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night? 

"Come one! The guy haven't been getting any for awhile now so just give it to him!"

"Shut up, you dumbass."

"You can't make me. Nyah, nyah nyah!!"

****

Yoji: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine. 

****

Aya: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: And yet I would it were to give again.

****

Yoji: Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love? 

****

Aya: But to be frank, and give it thee again. And yet I wish but for the thing I have: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite. 

****

[_Nurse calls within_.] 

Everyone shouted "BUSTED!"

I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu! Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true. Stay but a little, I will come again. 

****

[_Exit, above_.] 

Yoji: O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard. Being in night, all this is but a dream, Too flattering-sweet to be substantial. 

"I think it was 'afraid'…" Cali blinked.

"This is Yoji who's doing the talking here…" Omi said.

"Yeah, he's more stupider than you, Cali-chan," Ken added. He shrank back in his seat when Yoji gave him a death glare.

**__**

Re-enter JULIET, above. 

"She came back??? So fast??? That is like s~o fake!!"

"Shut up!!"

****

Aya: Three words, dear Yoji, and good night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honourable, Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow, By one that I'll procure to come to thee, Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite; And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay And follow thee my lord throughout the world. 

****

Cali: **_Within_** Madam!

****

Aya: I come, anon.--But if thou mean'st not well, I do beseech thee-- 

****

Cali: **_Within_** Madam! 

****

Aya: By and by, I come:-- To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief: To-morrow will I send. 

****

Yoji: So thrive my soul-- 

****

Aya: A thousand times good night! 

****

[_Exit, above_.] 

"That's it??? No lemon??? Hell, this ain't like the movie!!"

"There was a lemon in the movie?" Ken raised an eyebrow.

"Who cares??? Even if there WAS a lemon, it'll be omitted!"

"Mou…that's mean Mill-chan!"

"There might be kids reading this shit! I'm too young to meet my maker!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

****

Yoji: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light. Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books, But love from love, toward school with heavy looks. 

****

[_Retiring_.] 

__

Re-enter Aya, above. 

Aya: Hist! Romeo, hist! O, for a falconer's voice, To lure this tassel-gentle back again! Bondage is hoarse, and may not speak aloud; Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies, And make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine, With repetition of my Yoji's name. 

****

Yoji:: It is my soul that calls upon my name: How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night, Like softest music to attending ears! 

"Pfft…like HE knows anything about music!" Nagi said.

"The only thing he knows is sex!" Omi nodded.

****

Aya: Yoji! 

****

Yoji: My dear? 

"'Can I screw you now?'"

"Stop that, Schu!!"

****

Aya: At what o'clock to-morrow Shall I send to thee? 

****

Yoji: At the hour of nine. 

****

Aya: I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then. I have forgot why I did call thee back. 

****

Yoji: Let me stand here till thou remember it. 

"NO! Let him remember it while you 2 are screwing!"

Everybody screamed in frustration.

****

Aya: I shall forget, to have thee still stand there, Remembering how I love thy company. 

****

Yoji: And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, Forgetting any other home but this. 

****

Aya: 'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone: And yet no further than a wanton's bird; Who lets it hop a little from her hand, Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves, And with a silk thread plucks it back again, So loving-jealous of his liberty. 

****

Yoji: I would I were thy bird. 

****

Aya: Sweet, so would I: Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. 

"GOOD BYE! You'll miss me, I'm sure!"

"Su~re, Cali. Everyone will just go 'good riddance'."

"BLEH!"

****

[_Exit above_.] 

Yoji: Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast! Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest! Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell, His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.

****

[_Exit_.] 

"Don't you dare, Schu."

"It's not my fault they kept saying 'breast'!!"

"Tape his mouth shut. That'll be easier."

   [1]: mailto:tasuki4life@yahoo.com



	5. Chapter 5

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody ****

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: [Aya][1]

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

**__**

Bold italic words are stage directions.

Blue colored text are thoughts.

==============================

**__**

Enter Farfarello, with a basket. 

Farfarello (the role of Friar Laurence): The grey-eyed morn smiles on the frowning night, Chequering the eastern clouds with streaks of light, And flecked darkness like a drunkard reels From forth day's path and Titan's fiery wheels: Now, ere the sun advance his burning eye, The day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry, I must up-fill this osier cage of ours With baleful weeds and precious-juiced flowers. The earth that's nature's mother is her tomb; What is her burying grave that is her womb, And from her womb children of divers kind We sucking on her natural bosom find, Many for many virtues excellent, None but for some and yet all different. O, mickle is the powerful grace that lies In herbs, plants, stones, and their true qualities: For nought so vile that on the earth doth live  
But to the earth some special good doth give, Nor aught so good but strain'd from that fair use Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse: Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied; And vice sometimes by action dignified. Within the infant rind of this small flower Poison hath residence and medicine power: For this, being smelt, with that part cheers each part; Being tasted, slays all senses with the heart. Two such opposed kings encamp them still In man as well as herbs, grace and rude will; And where the worser is predominant, Full soon the canker death eats up that plant.

Everyone stared. Mouths open. No one moved an inch. Not even the auditioners nor Ms. White. Finally, it was Schu who broke this horrible silence.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?"

"Nice way to break the silence," Eve muttered. Schu shot her a dirty look.

"Why is FARFARELLO playing the FRIAR, of all people?!!" Nagi exclaimed. "You REALLY have a deathwish of some sort, don't you?"

"First things first," Ken held up a finger. "How did you get him to playing the part?"

Mill grinned widely.

Begin Flashback

"Ne, Farf-kun??" Mill peered over at the Irishman, warily. Farfie looked up from whatever he was doing (which, by the way, happens to be licking some knives. Again.)

"Nani?"

"Can you audition for this certain role in Romeo & Juliet?"

Farfie raised an eyebrow. "And that role would be…?"

Mill replied in a tiny squeak. "Friar Laurence."

"Friar? As in priest? Churches?? God???"

"EEP!" Mill turned tail and ran. "I never said anything!! Don't mind me! I have never, EVER came in here to ask you that STUPID question!"

"STOP!" Mill screeched to a halt, afraid to look back at the Irishman.

"Let me get this straight…"

Mill gulped.

"You want me to play Friar Laurence…"

Mill nodded weakly.

"Who just so happens to be a priest of some sort…"

Mill mentally said her will. //OhGodOhGodOhGod…uh…where should I begin? Uh…I'd like to give all my anime tapes and mangas to Eve-chan// She paused. //Aw hell, I'll just tell 'em to burn it so I can get it later in Hell. Anyway, I'd like to give all of my life-savings to Cali-chan// She paused again. //Nah. I'd like to dedicate…//

"Plus, I hate God." Pause. "One would think that when he said 'I hate God, I like to cause God pain' enough times, people will get the idea."

Mill continued her will. Suddenly, all trains of thought halted and she mentally slap herself for not realizing this technique earlier.

"But if you play this part…" Mill mentally prayed that this idea will work. "Then God WILL suffer."

Farfarello's eyebrows raised as he gave Mill an unreadable look.

End Flashback

"How will this hurt God?" Cali asked.

"I don't know," Mill shrugged. "But it seemed to be such a good idea at that time so I just decided to use it."

"Well…" Ms. White finally regained her composure and gave everyone a stern look. "Now that Mill's wonderful story as to how Farfarello-san got up there, let's continue shall we?"

**__**

Enter Yoji. 

Yoji: Good morrow, father.

****

Farfarello: Benedicite! What early tongue so sweet saluteth me? Young son, it argues a distemper'd head So soon to bid good morrow to thy bed: Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye, And where care lodges, sleep will never lie; But where unbruised youth with unstuff'd brain Doth couch his limbs, there golden sleep doth reign: Therefore thy earliness doth me assure Thou art up-roused by some distemperature; Or if not so, then here I hit it right, Our Romeo hath not been in bed to-night.

"That's coz he was too busy flirting with his enemy's daughter," Eve said.

"Farfie has an interest in Yoji-kun?" Omi blinked. Everyone turned to stare at him. "What? Was it something I said?"

"He wanna tongue him," Schu said.

"Stop it, you perv," Eve glared. "Being perverted is MY job." Everyone sweatdropped.

****

Yoji: That last is true; the sweeter rest was mine. 

****

Farfarello: God pardon sin! wast thou with Rosaline?

****

Yoji: With Aya-chan, my ghostly father? no; I have forgot that name, and that name's woe. 

"Yoji forgets too easily," Keiko said.

"The man ain't got no brain, that's why," Aya mumbled.

****

Farfarello: That's my good son: but where hast thou been, then? 

****

Yoji: I'll tell thee, ere thou ask it me again. I have been feasting with mine enemy, Where on a sudden one hath wounded me, That's by me wounded: both our remedies Within thy help and holy physic lies: I bear no hatred, blessed man, for, lo, My intercession likewise steads my foe. 

****

Farfarello: Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift; Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift. 

****

Yoji: Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set On the fair daughter of rich Capulet: As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine; And all combined, save what thou must combine By holy marriage: when and where and how We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, That thou consent to marry us to-day.

"Methinks Aya-kun's gonna give Yoji-kun a beating later on," Omi stated.

"He called Aya a 'her'…" Yin held up a few fingers. "Twice, plus calling him the 'daughter of Capulet' so that would be three…"

"How many wanna bet the beating will turn into something bad?" Schu smirked.

"Can I PLEASE change seats??" Keiko whined.

****

Farfarello: Holy Saint Francis, what a change is here! Is Aya-chan, whom thou didst love so dear, So soon forsaken? young men's love then lies Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes. Jesu Maria, what a deal of brine Hath wash'd thy sallow cheeks for Rosaline! How much salt water thrown away in waste, To season love, that of it doth not taste! The sun not yet thy sighs from heaven clears,  
Thy old groans ring yet in my ancient ears; Lo, here upon thy cheek the stain doth sit Of an old tear that is not wash'd off yet: If e'er thou wast thyself and these woes thine, Thou and these woes were all for Rosaline: And art thou changed? pronounce this sentence then, Women may fall, when there's no strength in men. 

****

Yoji: Thou chid'st me oft for loving Aya-chan. 

****

Farfarello: For doting, not for loving, pupil mine. 

****

Yoji: And bad'st me bury love. 

****

Farfarello: Not in a grave, To lay one in, another out to have. 

****

Yoji: I pray thee, chide not; she whom I love now Doth grace for grace and love for love allow; The other did not so. 

****

Farfarello: O, she knew well Thy love did read by rote and could not spell. But come, young waverer, come, go with me, In one respect I'll thy assistant be; For this alliance may so happy prove, To turn your households' rancour to pure love.

"I think Farfie's gonna give Mill-chan a beating, too," Nagi said. Brad and Schu nodded, rather enthusiastically.

"'Pure love'?" Cali snickered. "It sound so weird coming out of him."

****

Yoji: O, let us hence; I stand on sudden haste.

"'Let's get a moving!'" Schu did his best imitation of Yoji. "'I'm finally getting laid!'"

****

Farfarello: Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

__

Enter Christina and Yin. 

Yin: Where the devil should this Yoji be? Came he not home to-night? 

****

Christina: Not to his father's; I spoke with his man. 

"You know how that came out sounding like?" Ken asked.

"Oh yeah…" Schu smirked.

"Must you encourage the man?" Keiko sighed.

"Ew…a YojixTakatori Reiji pairing?" Eve's face turned slightly green.

****

Yin: Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline. Torments him so, that he will sure run mad. 

****

Christina: Kevin, the kinsman of old Capulet, Hath sent a letter to his father's house. 

****

Yin: A challenge, on my life. 

****

Christina: Yoji will answer it. 

****

Yin: Any man that can write may answer a letter.

"I KNEW IT!" Cali suddenly declared. "Yin was dropped onto the floor when she was a baby!" The said person turned and gave Cali the meanest look she can manage.

"I can write a letter…" Mill began. "Does that mean I can answer one, too??" She gasped. "I never knew I can! I never tried it! Oh my! Yin, you are a GENIUS!" Yin gave Mill a mean look as well.

****

Christina: Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he dares, being dared. 

****

Yin: Alas poor Yoji! he is already dead; stabbed with a white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to encounter Kevin? 

****

Christina: Why, what is Kevin?

The crowd erupted into snickers.

"HEY!" Kevin gave everyone his death glare. Which wasn't very deathly at all. "You're all weenies!"

"Shush, kid, that's MY line and I have copyrights over it!" Cali glared.

****

Yin: More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the  
very first house, of the first and second cause: ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hai! 

****

Christina: The what? 

****

Yin: The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu, a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form, that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O, their bones, their bones!

Everyone burst out laughing.

"She called him a whore…" Schu said, in between laughters.

"He ain't tall…" Aya glanced back over at Kevin. Kevin's face puffed out in anger. Which caused more giggles to erupt.

**__**

Enter Yoji. 

Christina: Here comes Yoji, here comes Yoji. 

****

Yin: Without his roe, like a dried herring: O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the  
numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy; Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior Yoji, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night. 

****

Yoji: Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you? 

****

Yin: The slip, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?

****

Yoji: Pardon, good Yin, my business was great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

****

Yin: That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams. 

****

Yoji: Meaning, to court'sy. 

****

Yin: Thou hast most kindly hit it. 

****

Yoji: A most courteous exposition. 

****

Yin: Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Pink…?" Keiko asked.

****

Yoji: Pink for flower.

Everyone automatically went "ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

****

Yin: Right.

****

Yoji: Why, then is my pump well flowered. 

****

Yin: Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular. 

****

Yoji: O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness. 

****

Yin: Come between us, good Christina; my wits faint. 

****

Yoji: Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match. 

****

Yin: Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five: was I with you there for the goose? 

****

Yoji: Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast not there for the goose. 

****

Yin: I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

"I do not want to know what image just popped up into that head of yours…" Keiko muttered.

Schu snickered.

****

Yoji: Nay, good goose, bite not.

Everyone went "go~od doggie…". Yin shot them all a death glare.

****

Yin: Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most  
sharp sauce. 

****

Yoji: And is it not well served in to a sweet goose? 

****

Yin: O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad!

****

Yoji: I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose. 

****

Yin: Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Yoji; now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a great natural,  
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole. 

****

Christina: Stop there, stop there. 

"STOP! In the name of lo~ve!" Cali sang, while everyone's fingers promptly flew to their ears.

****

Yin: Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair. 

****

Christina: Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.

****

Yin: O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short: for I was come to the whole depth of my tale;  
and meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer. 

****

Yoji: Here's goodly gear! 

**__**

Enter Cali and Nagi.

Yin: A sail, a sail! 

****

Christina:: Two, two; a shirt and a smock. 

****

Cali: Nagi! 

****

Nagi: Anon! 

****

Cali: My fan, Nagi. 

****

Yin: Good Nagi, to hide her face; for her fan's the fairer face.

"Now THAT'S an insult," Eve giggled.

****

Cali: God ye good morrow, gentlemen. //I'll kill you all. Damn bastards!//

****

Yin: God ye good den, fair gentlewoman. 

****

Cali: Is it good den? 

****

Yin: 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon. 

****

Cali: Out upon you! what a man are you!

"That's not a man," Schu said. "If you check 'him' thoroughly, you'd find that she has something man doesn't have and lack the thing that a man has."

Everyone groaned in disgust, then turned and fixed the redhead with one of the most deadliest glares that has ever appeared on this fic thus far.

****

Yoji: One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar. 

****

Cali: By my troth, it is well said: 'for himself to mar,' quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Yoji?

****

Yoji: I can tell you; but young Yoji will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse. 

****

Cali: You say well. 

****

Yin: Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith; wisely, wisely. 

****

Cali: If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you. 

****

Christina: She will indite him to some supper. 

****

Yin: A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho! 

"What the hell is a bawd?"

****

Yoji: What hast thou found? 

****

Yin: No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,  
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. 

****

[_Sings_.] 

> Everyone's hands flew to their ears again.

> An old hare hoar,  
And an old hare hoar,  
Is very good meat in lent  
But a hare that is hoar  
Is too much for a score,  
When it hoars ere it be spent. 

Yoji, will you come to your father's? we'll to dinner, thither. 

****

Yoji: I will follow you. 

****

Yin: Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, 

****

[_Singing_.] 

'lady, lady, lady.' 

**__**

[Exeunt Yin and Christina.] 

Cali: Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy  
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery? 

****

Yoji: A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month. 

****

Cali: An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am   
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? 

****

Nagi: I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side. 

****

Cali: Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself: but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing. 

****

Yoji: Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee-- 

****

Cali: Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much: Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

****

Yoji: What wilt thou tell her, nurse? Thou dost not mark me. 

****

Cali: I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer. 

****

Yoji: Bid her devise Some means to come to shrift this afternoon; And there she shall at Farfarello's cell Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.

"They're getting married in an psychotic person's cell???" Yin exclaimed. "My goodness! Have they lost their minds???"

"I wonder if they'll be wearing strait jackets…" Mill said.

"If they do…does that mean that Aya-kun has to wear one, too?" Omi asked.

"I'll kill everyone in here if I have to wear one," Aya declared, warningly.

****

Cali: No truly sir; not a penny. 

****

Yoji: Go to; I say you shall.

****

Cali: This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there. 

****

Yoji: And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall: Within this hour my man shall be with thee,  
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair; Which to the high top-gallant of my joy Must be my convoy in the secret night. Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains: Farewell; commend me to thy mistress. 

****

Cali: Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir. 

****

Yoji: What say'st thou, my dear nurse?

****

Cali: Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say, Two may keep counsel, putting one away? 

****

Yoji: I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.

****

Cali: Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady-- Lord, Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:--O, there is a nobleman in town, one Schurderich, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes and tell her that Schurderich is the properer man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Yoji begin both with a letter?

"Schurderich?" Brad raised an eyebrow. "A nobleman? Proper?" Everyone was too busy giggling to even bother answering his question.

"HEY! I'm not that bad!" Schu pouted. Everyone gave him a look. "Alright fine. Maybe I AM that bad! HUMPH!"

****

Yoji: Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.

****

Cali: Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for the--No; I know it begins with some other letter:--  
and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it. 

****

Yoji: Commend me to thy lady. 

****

Cali: Ay, a thousand times. 

****

[_Exit Romeo_.] 

Peter!

****

Nagi: Anon! 

****

Cali: Nagi, take my fan, and go before, and apace. 

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

   [1]: mailto:tasuki4life@yahoo.com



	6. Chapter 6

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody ****

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: [Aya][1]

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

**__**

Bold italic words are stage directions.

Blue colored text are thoughts.

==============================

**__**

Enter Aya. 

Aya: The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse; In half an hour she promised to return. Perchance she cannot meet him: that's not so. O, she is lame! love's heralds should be thoughts, Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams, Driving back shadows over louring hills: Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw love, And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings. Now is the sun upon the highmost hill Of this day's journey, and from nine till twelve Is three long hours, yet she is not come. Had she affections and warm youthful blood, She would be as swift in motion as a ball; My words would bandy her to my sweet love, And his to me: But old folks, many feign as they were dead; Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead. O God, she comes!

"Someone sure is in a hurry today," Ken said.

"They're finally getting laid," Eve said. A dozen pairs of annoyed eyes turned and fixated themselves on the black-haired girl. Eve let out a small chuckle.

"Least it's not Schurderich who said that," Nagi said. His head tilted backwards towards the redhead. "Huh?"

"Did he just said…'ball'?"

Everyone screamed. Minus Eve, who seems to be getting used to all the perverted comments made by the German redhead.

**__**

Enter Cali and Nagi. 

O honey nurse, what news? Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.

Everyone's face pale for a second before someone cried out loudly, "HONEY NURSE?!"

****

Cali: Nagi, stay at the gate. 

**__**

[Exit Nagi.] 

"They don't like Nagi," Farfarello sniffed once then returned to his previous activity…which is STILL licking a knife.

"Someone shoot him," Omi rolled his eyes.

****

Aya: Now, good sweet nurse,--O Lord, why look'st thou sad? Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily; If good, thou shamest the music of sweet news By playing it to me with so sour a face. 

****

Cali: I am a-weary, give me leave awhile: Fie, how my bones ache! what a jaunt have I had!

"How old is she?" Brad asked.

"Why?" Eve eyed the American cautiously.

The man shrugged. "I think she's too young to be having so much pain for simple walking."

"What are you…a doctor?"

"Hmm…I WAS planning on being one…"

Silence. Then…

"BWAHAHAHA!! That's funny, Brad."

"It is…?" Keiko raised an eyebrow.

"No, Schu's just being a retard…as usual," Nagi bopped the redhead on the head to get him to quit laughing.

"I am surrounded by idiots," Ken groaned.

"WHY THANK YOU KEN-KUN!" everyone grinned widely.

****

Aya: I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news: Nay, come, I pray thee, speak; good, good nurse, speak. 

****

Cali: Jesu, what haste? can you not stay awhile? Do you not see that I am out of breath? 

****

Aya: How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath To say to me that thou art out of breath? The excuse that thou dost make in this delay Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse. Is thy news good, or bad? answer to that; Say either, and I'll stay the circumstance: Let me be satisfied, is't good or bad? 

"I know right?!" Yin exclaimed. "If Cali WAS out of breath, she'd be DEAD by now! Although that WOULD be a nice thing for it to happen…"

"You're so mean, Yin-chan!" Omi pouted.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

****

Cali: Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not how to choose a man: Romeo! no, not he; though his face be better than any man's, yet his leg excels all men's; and for a hand, and a foot, and a body, though they be not to be talked on, yet they are past compare: he is not the flower of courtesy,  
but, I'll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb. Go thy ways, wench; serve God. What, have you dined at home? 

****

Aya: No, no: but all this did I know before. What says he of our marriage? what of that? 

"I don't get it…they've met like what? Last night? And now they want to get married?" Mill asked.

"They haven't even bed each other yet…" a pause. "Ah, they'll probably do that on the honeymoon."

"First of all, CAN YOU STOP IT WITH ALL THESE PERVERTED THINGS??!?!" Keiko screamed. "Second of all…they died before the honeymoon, you nitwit."

"REALLY?!" Schu gasped. "I would never have know that!!"

****

Cali: Lord, how my head aches! what a head have I! It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces. My back o' t' other side,--O, my back, my back! Beshrew your heart for sending me about, To catch my death with jaunting up and down! 

****

Aya: I' faith, I am sorry that thou art not well. Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love? 

****

Cali: Your love says, like an honest gentleman, and a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and,  
I warrant, a virtuous,--Where is your mother? 

****

Aya: Where is my mother! why, she is within; Where should she be? How oddly thou repliest! 'Your love says, like an honest gentleman, Where is your mother?'

****

Cali: O God's lady dear! Are you so hot? marry, come up, I trow; Is this the poultice for my aching bones? Henceforward do your messages yourself.

"OF COURSE HE'S HOT YOU DUMBASS!!"

Ms. White turned and shot the annoyed German a dirty look.

****

Aya: Here's such a coil! come, what says Yoji? 

****

Cali: Have you got leave to go to shrift to-day? 

****

Aya: I have. 

****

Cali: Then hie you hence to Farfarello's cell; There stays a husband to make you a wife: Now comes the wanton blood up in your cheeks, They'll be in scarlet straight at any news. Hie you to church; I must another way, To fetch a ladder, by the which your love Must climb a bird's nest soon when it is dark: I am the drudge and toil in your delight, But you shall bear the burden soon at night. Go; I'll to dinner: hie you to the cell. 

"Oh, God NO!" Eve screamed.

"Aya-kun's gonna kill us if we make him wear a straitjacket!" Omi added.

"You actually believed what he said?" Mill raised an eyebrow.

"Aya," Yoji said, rather plain and simple.

"'Nuff said," Mill turned back to the stage.

****

Aya: Hie to high fortune! Honest nurse, farewell. 

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

Enter Farfarello and Yoji. 

Farfarello: So smile the heavens upon this holy act, //I'll kill that bitch that got me into this role// That after hours with sorrow chide us not! 

****

Yoji: Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can, It cannot countervail the exchange of joy That one short minute gives me in her sight: Do thou but close our hands with holy words, Then love-devouring death do what he dare; It is enough I may but call her mine. 

****

Farfarello: These violent delights have violent ends //Pa~in…**insert a mental picture of Farfie licking a knife here**// And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey Is loathsome in his own deliciousness And in the taste confounds the appetite:  
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so; Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow. 

****

[_Enter_ _Aya_.] 

Here comes the lady: O, so light a foot Will ne'er wear out the everlasting flint: A lover may bestride the gossamer That idles in the wanton summer air, And yet not fall; so light is vanity. //I wanna puke//

****

Aya: Good even to my ghostly confessor. 

****

Farfarello: Yoji shall thank thee, daughter, for us both. 

****

Aya: As much to him, else is his thanks too much. 

****

Yoji: Ah, Aya, if the measure of thy joy Be heap'd like mine and that thy skill be more To blazon it, then sweeten with thy breath This neighbour air, and let rich music's tongue Unfold the imagined happiness that both Receive in either by this dear encounter. 

****

Aya: Conceit, more rich in matter than in words, Brags of his substance, not of ornament: They are but beggars that can count their worth; But my true love is grown to such excess I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth. 

****

Farfarello: Come, come with me, and we will make short work; //I'm getting sick of all this lovey-dovey crap// For, by your leaves, you shall not stay alone Till holy church incorporate two in one. //I will kill that bitch!!//

In the meantime, while Farfie was up on stage thinking about various murderous thoughts, Mill sat in the audience, not knowing (or even caring) about Farfie's plan.

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

__

Enter Yin, Christina, Page, and Servants. 

Christina: I pray thee, good Yin, let's retire: The day is hot, the Capulets abroad, And, if we meet, we shall not escape a brawl; For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring. 

****

Yin: Thou art like one of those fellows that when he enters the confines of a tavern claps me his  
sword upon the table and says 'God send me no need of thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need. 

****

Christina: Am I like such a fellow?

****

Yin: Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody,  
and as soon moody to be moved. 

****

Christina: And what to? 

"You realize I'm not following this conversation AT ALL?"

"You're just a retard." Then…"OW!"

****

Yin: Nay, an there were two such, we should have none shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou!   
why, thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more, or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel? Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as an egg for quarrelling: thou hast quarrelled with a man for coughing in the street, because he hath wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun: didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing his new doublet before Easter? with another, for tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou wilt tutor me from quarrelling!

"What fighting has to do with hair and cracking nuts is beyond me," Keiko blinked.

"I told you Shakespeare is dumb," Ken grumbled.

****

Christina: An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter. 

****

Yin: The fee-simple! O simple!

"What is a 'fee-simple'?" Nagi asked.

"Why are you asking me?" Brad said.

"Because you're the only sane one here and seems to be the smartest one too." Many agreeing nods went with that statement.

****

Christina: By my head, here come the Capulets. 

The audience shouts "fight" over and over and over and over (I think you get the point) again.

****

Yin: By my heel, I care not. 

**__**

Enter Kevin and others. 

Kevin: Follow me close, for I will speak to them. Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you. 

****

Yin: And but one word with one of us? Couple it with something; make it a word and a blow. 

"Job?"

"Oh my God, SHUT UP!" Keik yelled.

"What??" Schu blinked innocently. "I was JUST asking a QUESTION! YEESH!"

****

Kevin: You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you will give me occasion. 

****

Yin: Could you not take some occasion without giving? 

****

Kevin: Yin, thou consort'st with Yoji,-- 

****

Yin: Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels?

Everyone curst out laughing.

"Yin can't sing!!" Cali laughed.

an thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall  
make you dance. 'Zounds, consort! 

****

Christina: We talk here in the public haunt of men: Either withdraw unto some private place, And reason coldly of your grievances, Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us. 

****

Yin: Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze; I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I. 

**__**

Enter Yoji. 

Kevin: Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man. 

"Yoji's taste has degraded itself," Schu gagged.

"I gotta agree with you on that," Keiko's face turned pale.

****

Yin: But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery: Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower;  
Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.' 

Cali raised a hand. "Can I ask something?"

"What?" Ms. White said, obviously very annoyed at the interruption.

"Why would Yoji wanna be KEVIN'S follower?? Of all people??"

"Ah, but you see, Cali-chan…" Yoji grinned rather wickedly. "I'll kill that jackass before I be his follower. HA!"

"Ooh…I'm scared," Kevin rolled his eyes.

"Alright alright, back to the play!" Ms. White hollered. But Kevin was too busy turning blue due to the lack of oxygen to even speak. Everyone began their cheers.

"GO YOJI!!"

"That's right! Kill him!!!"

****

Kevin: Yoji, the hate I bear thee can afford No better term than this,--thou art a villain. 

****

Yoji: Kevin, the reason that I have to love thee

"Yoji's tastes HAS been degraded…"

Doth much excuse the appertaining rage To such a greeting: villain am I none; Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not. 

****

Kevin: Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw. 

****

Yoji: I do protest, I never injured thee, But love thee better than thou canst devise, Till thou shalt know the reason of my love: And so, good Capulet,--which name I tender As dearly as my own,--be satisfied.

"Okay…" Schu took a deep breath. "JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE JULIET CAPULET DOESN'T MEAN YOU GOTTA LIKE THAT…THAT…EW!!!"

"Fat piece of ugly trash?" Mill snickered. [1]

"YES! THANK YOU!"

****

Yin: O calm, dishonourable, vile submission! Alla stoccata carries it away. 

****

[_Draws_.] 

Kevin, you rat-catcher, will you walk?

"He probably eat them afterwards…"

"Now THAT'S plain sick!"

****

Kevin: What wouldst thou have with me? 

****

Yin: Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you shall use me hereafter, dry-beat the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pilcher  
by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out.

****

Kevin: I am for you. 

"I think he just sort of confessed something to her…" Cali gagged.

"His love…?" Eve's face turned white, then purple, then green.

****

[_Drawing_.] 

Yoji: Gentle Yin, put thy rapier up. 

****

Yin: Come, sir, your passado. 

****

[_They fight_.] 

Yoji: Draw, Christina; beat down their weapons. Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage! Kevin, Yin, the prince expressly hath Forbidden bandying in Verona streets: Hold, Kevin! good Yin! 

****

[_Kevin under Yoji's arm stabs Yin, and flies with his followers_.] 

Yin: I am hurt. A plague o' both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone, and hath nothing?

****

Christina: What, art thou hurt?

"Didn't she just said she was hurt?!" Cali exclaimed.

"Someone needs a new ear…" Omi said.

"Yes, me," Ms. White stated. "Quit your goddamn screaming already before I put you all into the Torture Chamber!"

"What's the Torture Chamber?" Schu asked.

"I don't know," Nagi shrugged. "But I have a feeling that someone will enjoy it…" His gaze darted over to the Irishman.

"Torture…" Farfarello hissed out. Everyone sweatdropped.

****

Yin: Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough. Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.

****

[_Exit Page_.] 

Yoji: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. 

****

Yin: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for  
me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o'  
both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm. 

"She is s~o retarded!" Keiko said. "Or rather Mercutio in this play. I mean…come on! YOU wanted to fight and now, you're hurt…which is entirely your own fault. And you put a CURSE on BOTH the houses?? How stupid is that??"

"She got a point…" Mill said.

"Shakespeare's dumb," Ken said.

****

Yoji: I thought all for the best. 

****

Yin: Help me into some house, Christina, Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me: I have it, And soundly too: your houses! 

****

[_Exeunt Yin and Christina_.] 

Yoji: This gentleman, the prince's near ally, My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt In my behalf; my reputation stain'd With Kevin's slander,--Kevin, that an hour Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Aya,  
Thy beauty hath made me effeminate And in my temper soften'd valour's steel! 

**__**

Re-enter Christina. 

Christina: O Yoji, Yoji, brave Yin's dead! That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds, Which too untimely here did scorn the earth. 

"She sure dies fast," Eve noted. Everyone nodded in agreement. "Too bad that ain't reality, eh?" More nods of agreement.

****

Yoji: This day's black fate on more days doth depend; This but begins the woe, others must end. 

****

Christina: Here comes the furious Kevin back again.

****

Yoji: Alive, in triumph! and Yin slain! Away to heaven, respective lenity, And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now! 

**__**

Re-enter Kevin. 

Now, Kevin, take the villain back again, That late thou gavest me; for Yin's soul Is but a little way above our heads, Staying for thine to keep him company: Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him. 

Chants begin.

"Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. KI~LL!!!!"

****

Kevin: Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here, Shalt with him hence. 

****

Yoji: This shall determine that. 

****

[_They fight; TYBALT falls_.] 

"That was a very short fight…" Mill said.

"When will they learn to fight for real?" Farfie asked.

"They can't…they're too stupid and besides," Cali began. "Their brains are too cramped for anything else."

****

Christina: Yoji, away, be gone! The citizens are up, and Kevin slain. Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death, If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away! 

****

Yoji: O, I am fortune's fool! 

****

Christina: Why dost thou stay? 

****

[_Exit Yoji_.] 

Author's Notes:

[1] I HATE KEVIN!!! Need I say more? I'm not even gonna bother explaining why I hate his guts right now. I hate him!!! Little ugly piece of trash!

Schu: YEAH!!! **strings of incoherent curses and cheers follow**

Brad: Someone restrain him. He's getting too out of hand.

Farfie: Would my jacket help? **holds up the white straitjacket**

Nagi: EEP! FARFARELLO! GET BACK INTO YOUR JACKET!

Farfie: **pout** Dammit. **puts jacket back on**

   [1]: mailto:tasuki4life@yahoo.com



	7. Chapter 7

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody ****

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: [Aya][1]

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew...the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

**__**

Bold italic words are stage directions.

Blue colored text are thoughts.

==============================

**__**

Enter Citizens, &c. 

First Citizen: Which way ran he that kill'd Yin? Kevin, that murderer, which way ran he? 

Everyone pointed to the said person, who is currently laying on the floor onstage, pretending to be dead.

"Wouldn't it be really good if he DID die?" Cali asked.

"God ain't that nice," Mill grumbled. "There are no miracles in this world. Life sucks."

****

Christina: There lies that Kevin. 

****

First Citizen: Up, sir, go with me; I charge thee in the princes name, obey. 

**__**

Enter Gourry, attended; Takatori Reiji, Boris, their Wives, and others 

Gourry: Where are the vile beginners of this fray?

"I still can't believe that's GOURRY up there speaking those lines," Lina blinked.

"He seemed to be almost...smart," Amelia added. "ALMOST."

****

Christina: O noble prince, I can discover all The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl: There lies the man, slain by young Yoji, That slew thy kinsman, brave Yin. 

"She just tattletale on Yoji..." Eve said.

"And to think, she's a nice person," Cali shook her head in a disapproving way. In the meantime, up onstage, someone just had about enough of all this insults.

//The minute this play is over, I will go over there and murder each and everyone one of 'em// Christina vowed mentally.

//Tsk tsk, you're a GOOD girl, aren't you Chris-chan?// inquired the "angel" side of Christina.

//Screw the being a good girl business!! I want PAIN!!! PAIN!!!! Is good. ^_^V// Pause. //I almost sounded like Farfarello there for a minute....//

//You're scaring me...// the "angel" poof-ed inside outta there. Which is very good timing because the author of this ficcie was about to fry her.

****

Ronald: Kevin, my cousin! O my brother's child! O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt  
O my dear kinsman! Gourry, as thou art true, For blood of ours, shed blood of Takatori Reiji. O cousin, cousin! 

"Lemme get this straight..." Ken started. "Tybalt is Lady Capulet's brother's son. So wouldn't he be her NEPHEW?"

"Shakespeare is a moron," Nagi concluded.

"..." Aya due to boredom has fallen asleep. But after hearing shed blood of Takatori Reiji, his eyes are now wide with a strange, malicious gleam in them.

"This man is a nutcase," Brad concluded.

****

Gourry: Christina, who began this bloody fray?

****

Christina: Kevin, here slain //Oh goodie, the idiot is dead. I never liked him anyway.//, whom Yoji's hand did slay; Yoji that spoke him fair, bade him bethink How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal Your high displeasure: all this uttered With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd, Could not take truce with the unruly spleen Of Kevin deaf to peace, but that he tilts With piercing steel at bold Yin's breast //Oooh...Schu's hormones just shot up again. What's with Shakespeare and breast anyway?//, Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point, And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats Cold death aside, and with the other sends It back to Kevin, whose dexterity, Retorts it: Yoji he cries aloud, 'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than his tongue, His agile arm beats down their fatal points, And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm An envious thrust from Kevin hit the life Of stout Yin, and then Kevin fled; But by and by comes back to Yoji, Who had but newly entertain'd revenge, And to't they go like lightning, for, ere I Could draw to part them, was stout Kevin slain. And, as he fell, did Yoji turn and fly. This is the truth, or let Christina die. //NOOO!! I'm too young to die!!!//

****

Ronald: He is a kinsman to the Takatori Reiji; Affection makes him false; he speaks not true: Some twenty of them fought in this black strife, And all those twenty could but kill one life. I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give; Yoji slew Kevin, Yoji must not live.

"Yeah but Kevin also killed Yin," Omi said.

"Kevin's dead," Mill pointed at the so-called "dead" body onstage.

"So...." Keiko paused for a moment before continuing. "Kevin killed Yin-chan. Yoji-kun killed Kevin. So now does Yoji really HAVE to die?"

Everyone looked at each other. Few seconds later, they nodded and turned back at Keiko and replied, "Yes. He deserved to die." By the time the second sentence came out, everyone's face was already turning a very pretty shade of purple. It's amazing they even managed to choke out that last bit.

"I WILL kill you all!!!" Yoji threatened, his grip on the wire tightening a bit more. Keiko sweatdropped and mentally thanked God for letting her not be a part of the crowd that is currently being killed.

****

Gourry: Yoji slew him, he slew Yin; Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe? 

"Didn't we just got over that?" Cali asked.

"Gourry is slow," Xelloss explained.

****

Takatori Reiji: Not Yoji, prince, he was Yin's friend; His fault concludes but what the law should end,  
The life of Kevin. 

"I just thought of something," Schu's head perked up, his gaze settling on Keiko. "And it's not my hormones thinking."

"For once," Keiko rolled her eyes, bored.

"Anyway," Schu cleared his throat. "Yoji likes Aya, Aya likes Yoji. So...if they get together, then wouldn't Aya's father-in-law be Takatori Reiji, the man he absolutely, most definitely hate more than anything in this world?"

Silence. Then...

__

BAM!!

"YOU IDIOT!!" Mill clutched Schu's throat tightly. "You have any idea how hard it was for me to get him to try out for a GIRL'S part, first of all?!?!?!"

"Don't...t-tell me you...d-didn't tell h-h-im that little f-f-fact!!!" Schu eyed the other redhead and immediately began sweatdropping like crazy; Aya is currently sleeping.

****

Gourry: And for that offence Immediately we do exile him hence //Now that is just cruel...// : I have an interest in your hate's proceeding, My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding; But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine That you shall all repent the loss of mine: //Boy, this guy sure got lotsa lines. I thought Mill-chan was gonna give me a part where all I could was eat and do and say nothing...// I will be deaf to pleading and excuses; Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses: Therefore use none: let Yoji hence in haste, Else, when he's found, that hour is his last. Bear hence this body, and attend our will: Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill. 

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

[_Enter_ _Aya_.] 

Aya: Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, Towards Phoebus' lodging: such a wagoner As Phaethon would whip you to the west,

Schu's eyebrows shot up while everyone who noticed let out yet another disgusted groan.

"WHAT?! Can I help it if I'm sexually active all the time?!?!"

And bring in cloudy night immediately. Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,

By this time, Yoji had his wire around the horny redhead's throat, preventing him from talking.

"You little horny-ass bastard deserves to die!" Yoji tightened the grip on the wire.

"I gotta agree with him there," Nagi said as Schu shot him a deadly look. "Sorry but you ARE as horny as hell and it's getting annoying."

Everyone began chanting "die" loudly. Unfortunately, Ms. White was there and after realizing that tiny fact, everyone was quiet and you can hear a pin drop. Well...almost.

That runaways' eyes may wink, and Yoji Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen. Lovers can see to do their amorous rites By their own beauties; or, if love be blind, It best agrees with night. Come, civil night, Thou sober-suited matron, all in black, And learn me how to lose a winning match, Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods: Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks, With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold, Think true love acted simple modesty. Come, night; come, Yoji; come, thou day in night; For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night Whiter than new snow on a raven's back. Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night, Give me my Yoji; and, when he shall die,  
Take him and cut him out in little stars, 

"Damn...he's cruel," Ken blinked.

"Typical Aya," Eve said.

"Take him and cut him out in little stars," Farfarello echoed while licking yet another knife. Everyone sweatdropped.

And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night And pay no worship to the garish sun. O, I have bought the mansion of a love, But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold, Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day As is the night before some festival To an impatient child that hath new robes And may not wear them. O, here comes my nurse, And she brings news; and every tongue that speaks But Yoji's name speaks heavenly eloquence. 

**__**

Enter Cali, with cords. 

"What cords?" Omi looked over at Mill, who shrugged and turned to Yin, who also shrugged and turned to Eve, who shrugged as well.

Eve then turned to Keiko, who gave her a blank look. Keiko, not even bother casting a glance at Schu (what would HE know anyway?) turned to Nagi, who shrugged again.

Nagi looked up at the soccer-playing, children-loving, member of Weiß, Ken who scratched his head and gave a shrugged, too. Ken looked over at Yoji, who also shrugged (surprise, surprise). Yoji turned and looked over at the Irishman, but no response from the latter since he was still busy tasting the wonderful daggers and knives he has.

Yoji turned to the American Schwarz member, Brad (who seemed to be the smartest one there as of this moment…). The American pushed up his glasses and looked at everyone and finally said…

"It's a cord."

Everyone in the room (minus Ms. White…who has left the room a couple of minutes ago mentioning something about killing…) went "OOOOOHHHHHHH!!!"

Now, nurse, what news? What hast thou there? the cords That Yoji bid thee fetch? 

****

Cali: Ay, ay, the cords.

**Please read the above paragraphs in red as this entire process has been repeated**

Schu: I'm so insulted.

Mill: Oh? And why is that?

Schu: We've been doing this "what cords" thing for TWO times. And for TWO times, no one asked me!!

Mill: Coz everyone know you're an idiot and God knows whether or not you'll be coming up with a hentai answer.

Nagi: I wouldn't mention God if I were you.

Farfie: **licks a knife** I hate God…I like pain… **lick lick**

****

[_Throws them down_.] 

Aya: Ay me! what news? why dost thou wring thy hands? 

****

Cali: Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!

"Yoji's dead?" Omi tilted his head to a side.

"Yoji's dead?" Mill echoed.

"Yoji's what?" Schu asked, rubbing an eye tiredly.

"Yoji's dead," Eve replied.

"Yoji's dead?" Yin asked.

"Yoji's dead," Ken nodded. "Boo hoo. What a shame. I was beginning to like that guy, too." //Right, Kenken…you like him so much you wanna kill him. Oh, yes…//

"Wait…Yoji's what?" Nagi looked up at his leader.

"Dead," Brad replied.

"Dead?" Nagi inquired.

"Dead," Keiko nodded. "Thank God."

"God is dead?" Farfie's eyes glinted dangerously.

"Why is it that he only hears the words associated with pain and God?" Ken groaned.

"Can we lock him up forever and throw away the keys?" Nagi asked the American.

We are undone, lady, we are undone! Alack the day! he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead! 

"OH MY GOD!! YOJI'S DEAD!!!"

"Hey…did you just see someone fall?" Keiko pointed to the window. She, Mill, Yin and Omi ran towards the window and looked out. Then, they gave a little gasp, looked at each other with horrified expressions on their face for awhile, shrugged then return to their seats with another bored look.

"Did I just miss something?" Schu asked.

"Ms. White is dead," Omi replied.

"Ms. White is dead?" Nagi asked.

"Yes, dead," Yin nodded.

"Oh, Lord…not another one…must we repeat this process?" Persia hid his face in his hands.

****

Aya: Can heaven be so envious?

****

Cali: Yoji can, Though heaven cannot: O Yoji, Yoji! Who ever would have thought it? Yoji! 

"Yoji's dead?" Farfie FINALLY looked up at everyone, pausing for awhile with what he was doing earlier.

"Yes, Yoji's dead," Takatori Reiji (speaking for the first time aside from being onstage) said. "Now can we get that through our thick skulls???? DAMMIT! One more time and I'll have Schwarz kill the stupid author of this fanfic!!"

"NAW! They luv me too much! Right boys?" Mill winked at the 4 Schwarz members.

Meanwhile, going through each boys' heads…

//Yeah…I love her s~o much that the last thing I will do is let her live this HORRIBLE life that she leads. Hmm…need a plan…run in and kill in the least expected moment…?//

//Can't think…hormone level wa~ay too high. I should kill her for making me come here and getting me all horny and shit but I'm loving this…//

//Damn bitch//

//Pain. God. Death? Mill-chan? Oh, yes…No one asked Farfarello to pose as a FRIAR in the most ridiculous play EVER! All these lovey-dovey scenes is making me SICK!!!!!!//

And while in the author's head…

//I am s~o dead//

****

Aya: What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus? This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell. Hath Yoji slain himself? say thou but 'I,' And that bare vowel 'I' shall poison more Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice: I am not I, if there be such an I; Or those eyes shut, that make thee answer 'I.' If he be slain, say 'I'; or if not, no: Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe. 

****

Cali: I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes,--God save the mark!--here on his manly breast //Yet another rise to Schu's hormones!! Ugh//: A piteous corse, a bloody piteous corse; Pale, pale as ashes, all bedaub'd in blood, All in gore-blood; I swounded at the sight. 

****

Aya: O, break, my heart! poor bankrupt, break at once! To prison, eyes, ne'er look on liberty! Vile earth, to earth resign; end motion here; And thou and Yoji press one heavy bier!

****

Cali: O Kevin, Kevin, the best friend I had! //Best friends, my ass// O courteous Kevin! honest gentleman! //Very, very funny// That ever I should live to see thee dead! //Good riddance//

****

Aya: What storm is this that blows so contrary? Is Yoji slaughter'd, and is Kevin dead? My dear-loved cousin, and my dearer lord? Then, dreadful trumpet, sound the general doom! For who is living, if those two are gone? 

****

Cali: Kevin is gone, and Yoji banished; Yoji that kill'd him, he is banished.

****

Aya: O God! did Yoji's hand shed Kevin's blood? 

****

Cali: It did, it did; alas the day, it did! 

****

Aya: O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face! Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave? Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical! Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb! Despised substance of divinest show!  
Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st, A damned saint, an honourable villain! O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell, When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend In moral paradise of such sweet flesh? Was ever book containing such vile matter So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell In such a gorgeous palace! 

****

Cali: There's no trust, No faith, no honesty in men //Damn right!!/; all perjured, All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers. Ah, where's my man //"My man"…? Uh…right//? give me some aqua vitæ //HUUUUUUUUUUUH????//: These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old //Ooh…I am so old. Kids, call me obaa-san and I WILL have your heads//. Shame come to Yoji! //YEAH!//

****

Aya: Blister'd be thy tongue For such a wish! he was not born to shame: Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit; For 'tis a throne where honour may be crown'd Sole monarch of the universal earth.  
O, what a beast was I to chide at him!

****

Cali: Will you speak well of him that kill'd your cousin? 

****

Aya: Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband? Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name, When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it? But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin? That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband: Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring; Your tributary drops belong to woe, Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy. My husband lives, that Kevin would have slain; And Kevin's dead, that would have slain my husband: All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then? Some word there was, worser than Kevin's death, That murder'd me: I would forget it fain; But, O, it presses to my memory, Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds:  
'Kevin is dead, and Yoji--banished;' That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,' Hath slain ten thousand Kevins. Kevin's death Was woe enough, if it had ended there: Or, if sour woe delights in fellowship And needly will be rank'd with other griefs, Why follow'd not, when she said 'Kevin's dead,' Thy father, or thy mother, nay, or both, Which modern lamentation might have moved? But with a rearward following Kevin's death, 'Yoji is banished,' to speak that word, Is father, mother, Kevin, Yoji, Aya, All slain, all dead. 'Yoji is banished!' There is no end, no limit, measure, bound, In that word's death; no words can that woe sound. Where is my father, and my mother, nurse? 

"For someone who doesn't like talking, he sure talks a lot," Ken noted.

"Are you implying that my oniisan is weird?" Aya-chan looked over at the brunette.

"No, of course not!" Ken chuckled, nervously. //Just a little mentally unstable…//

****

Cali: Weeping and wailing over Kevin's corse: Will you go to them? I will bring you thither. 

****

Aya: Wash they his wounds with tears: mine shall be spent, When theirs are dry, for Yoji's banishment. Take up those cords: poor ropes, you are beguiled, Both you and I; for Yoji is exiled:  
He made you for a highway to my bed //Oh, great. Leave it up to Schu to find the slightest thing to go all horny for…//; But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed. Come, cords, come, nurse; I'll to my wedding-bed; And death, not Yoji, take my maidenhead! 

****

Cali: Hie to your chamber: I'll find Yoji To comfort you: I wot well where he is. Hark ye, your Yoji will be here at night: I'll to him; he is hid at Farfarello's cell. //Of all the worst possible places…//

****

Aya: O, find him! give this ring to my true knight, And bid him come to take his last farewell. 

****

[_Exeunt_.] 

"Ms. White is dead?" Omi asked.

"Yoji is dead?" Nagi asked.

__

BAM!

"Why must the youngest ones always be so retarded?" Yoji sighed.

"It's that the new 'in' thing now?" Brad blinked. "To be completely ignorant and retarded?"

"You betcha!" Cali flashed a victory sign, while grinning like a maniac.

"You just admitted that you're ignorant AND retarded…" Eve said.

"SO?! And I'm proud of it, too!"

"How is it that I'm stuck here?" Takatori Reiji groaned. "With all these morons?"

"Coz you're a moron yourself," Ken replied.

"WHAT?!"

"Only an idiot will listen to Mill-chan," Keiko said, matter-of-factly.

"Are you saying that my brother is a moron as well? Along with all these people who actually came to audition?"

"Yeah, sure, why not? They ARE."

"HEY!" came all the protests.

   [1]: mailto:tasuki4life@yahoo.com



End file.
